Chapter 13
I wanted to.
That was important too.
A part of me still knew exactly how to comfort him.
Hand between shoulder blades.
Thumb against his neck.
Lean my forehead against his temple.
The muscle memory of love remained.
But for once, I let his sadness belong to him.
When he lowered his hands, his face was wet.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
I believed that too.
But wanting not to lose something is not the same as valuing it while you have it.
I stood.
“I know.”
That evening, Daniel cooked dinner.
Not as a performance.
He found a recipe.
Bought ingredients.
Cleaned afterward.
Nobody praised him.
Nobody needed to.
And that was the beginning of the first real change I saw in him.
Not flowers.
Not speeches.
Not unlocked phones.
Responsibility without applause.
He began checking the calendar.
He learned Lily’s practice schedule.
He called his own mother.
He paid attention to the lawn company.
He found the correct coffee.
He even asked me, one morning, “Do you want me to pick up anything from the store?”
Instead of asking what the house needed.
He asked what I wanted.
I thought about it.
“Peaches.”
He returned with peaches.
Good ones.
For a few weeks, hope returned.
Not enough to call it hope at first.
More like curiosity.
I watched Daniel become more present.
He started individual counseling.
Then we tried marriage counseling.
Our therapist, Dr. Ellis, asked Daniel what he missed most about our marriage.
He said, “The way Claire used to look at me when I came home.”
That answer nearly ended the session.
Dr. Ellis turned to me.
“What do you hear when he says that?”
I thought carefully.
“That he misses being loved by me.”
Daniel flinched.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing.”
I looked at him.
“But I’m waiting to hear what you miss about loving me.”
The room became very quiet.
Daniel stared at his hands.
Dr. Ellis said nothing.
She did not rescue him.
Eventually, Daniel whispered, “I don’t know how I let it get this far.”
Neither did I.
But I knew something else.
If our marriage survived, it could not survive by returning to normal.
Normal was where we had disappeared.
Chapter 4: The birthday brunch he wasn’t invited to
Two months after the affair came into the open, Daniel asked if Melissa had ever contacted me.
“No.”
“She left the company.”