Chapter 20
“I don’t know.”
“Why did Ryan have it?”
“I don’t know.”
Each answer deepened the silence.
I closed the laptop without opening the file.
“I can’t look at it.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I need to know.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want to know.”
Ethan pulled out the chair opposite me and sat down, leaving space between us.
“Then we don’t open it today.”
I looked at him.
“That’s your advice?”
“It’s not advice. It’s a choice.”
The kindness of the answer nearly undid me.
For eleven years, every important decision had been presented to me as though I were incapable of making it myself. Ryan chose doctors, appointments, financial arrangements, even the people who were allowed to know about our marriage. His mother decided which parts of my grief were acceptable. I had mistaken their certainty for protection.
Now Ethan was giving me time.
“I need to know if the baby is Ryan’s,” I said.
“Then you can have a paternity test.”
“Not yet.”
“No.”
The answer surprised me.
He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.
“Not yet,” he clarified. “You are barely pregnant. You’ve been abandoned, displaced, and given information that would shake anyone. You do not need to make every decision before you have had one full night of sleep.”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
“I thought you would want to know.”
“I do.”
“Because she was your sister?”
“Because the truth matters.” His gaze lowered briefly to my hands. “But your wellbeing matters too.”
I looked toward the window.
The river moved beneath the gray afternoon sky, steady and indifferent.
“Tell me about Claire.”
Ethan was quiet for a moment.
“She was four years younger than me. Brighter than anyone I’ve ever known. She could walk into a room full of strangers and leave with three new friends. She laughed easily, even when she had every reason not to.”
“What happened between her and Ryan?”
“I don’t know the entire story.”
“But you know they were together.”
“They were engaged.”
The word struck me more deeply than I expected.
“Engaged?”
“They met at university. After graduation, Ryan moved back here to join his father’s company. Claire stayed in the city for work. They were supposed to marry the following spring.”
“And then?”
“Claire became pregnant.”
“Was that a problem?”
“Not to her.”
“Was it to Ryan?”
Ethan’s mouth tightened.
“I was told he wanted to postpone the wedding. He said they were too young and that his family would object. Claire believed he would change his mind.”