Chapter 10
Everything I had asked him for was suddenly available.
And every gesture made me sadder.
Because it meant he had been capable of giving me those things all along.
He had simply chosen not to.
One evening, Mark set two glasses of wine on the coffee table.
“I booked a table at Antonio’s for Friday.”
I looked up from my book.
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“You hate Antonio’s.”
“You like it.”
“I liked it when I asked you to go for my birthday and you said it was too far.”
His smile disappeared.
“That was months ago.”
“I remember.”
He sat down across from me.
“Claire, I know I’ve been distracted.”
Distracted.
Such a small word for eighteen months.
“I know work has been crazy, and maybe I haven’t been around enough.”
I waited.
“But I want to fix that.”
There was an opening in that sentence wide enough for the truth.
I watched him.
He did not take it.
He reached for his wine instead.
That was when I understood something.
Mark knew our marriage was in danger.
He still did not know exactly what I knew.
And even with that fear pressing on him, he was trying to save the marriage without telling the truth.
He wanted a repaired version built on the same lie.
Something inside me finally broke loose.
Not tears.
Anger.
Clean, bright anger.
“Are you happy?” I asked.
Mark blinked.
“What?”
“I asked you that six months ago. Remember?”
He looked away.
“You told me I was creating problems.”
“I don’t remember exactly what I said.”
“I do.”
“Claire.”
“Are you happy?”
He rubbed his palms together.
“Of course.”
There it was again.
The answer that asked nothing of him.
I stood.
“Good night.”
“It’s eight thirty.”
“I’m tired.”
As I walked upstairs, I heard him say my name.
I kept going.
The following Wednesday, one week after the message, Mark came home at 5:47.
Earlier than he had in months.
He brought flowers.
White roses.
The kind he had given me on our tenth anniversary.
I placed them in water because letting flowers die felt cruel even if the man who bought them had hurt me.
At dinner, Mark talked too much.
About work.
Traffic.
A restaurant that had opened downtown.
Anything safe.
Then his phone vibrated once against the table.
His hand moved toward it instantly.
He stopped halfway.
I watched him.
He slowly pulled his hand back.