Chapter 14
I almost refused.
Then I realized I was curious.
Not hopeful.
Curious.
That difference frightened me less than hope would have.
We met at a small Italian restaurant where we had once celebrated anniversaries before the marina condo made every occasion drift toward expensive waterfront places.
Adrian was already seated when I arrived.
He stood.
"You look good."
"So do you."
He didn't.
He had lost weight.
There were shadows beneath his eyes.
But I was no longer responsible for making him comfortable with the visible consequences of his choices.
We ordered.
For a while, we spoke about practical things.
The condo appraisal.
The joint savings account.
The mediator.
His father's upcoming knee surgery.
Then I asked, "How's Lauren?"
He looked surprised.
"We're not together."
I had expected that answer eventually.
I just hadn't expected it so soon.
"Since when?"
"About six weeks ago."
"Why?"
He looked embarrassed.
"Do you actually want to know?"
"Only if you want to tell me."
He stared at the candle between us.
"She thought I was going to leave you and immediately build a life with her."
I said nothing.
"I guess I thought something similar."
"You guess?"
He winced.
"Fair."
He rubbed the edge of his water glass.
"After you left, everything felt wrong."
I nearly smiled.
"That tends to happen when your wife moves out."
"I don't mean that."
He looked at me.
"I thought I'd feel relieved."
There it was.
A truth.
Ugly, but honest.
I respected it more than many of the apologies.
"I thought once everything was out in the open, I'd stop feeling divided," he continued. "Instead, I felt like I'd blown up my life and then expected the explosion to make me happier."
"What did Lauren say?"
"At first, she tried to help."
"With what?"
"The condo. Food. Just... things."
I pictured Lauren standing in my kitchen, opening cupboards, learning where the glasses were kept.
The image hurt.
But not like it would have three months earlier.
It felt less like someone stealing my life and more like someone moving through a museum of something already over.
Adrian continued.
"She hated being there."
"Why?"
"She said it felt like you were everywhere."
I looked down at my hands.
"I wasn't."
"I know."
He gave a humorless laugh.
"That was the problem."
He told me Lauren stopped staying at Unit 2304 after the second week.
They tried seeing each other at her apartment.