Chapter 23
"No."
He stared toward the parking lot.
"I've thought about that text every day."
"So have I."
"I was unbelievably cruel."
"Yes."
He looked at me, almost smiling through the pain.
"You don't soften things anymore."
"I do."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Just not things that don't need softening."
He nodded.
"Fair."
We walked several steps.
Then he said, "I think I wanted you to get angry."
"Why?"
"Because anger would have meant you were still fighting."
I stopped.
He did too.
That insight felt painfully true.
"Maybe."
"When I saw the suitcases, I thought you were making a point."
"I was."
"I didn't understand the point was goodbye."
I looked at him.
"The point was that I finally believed myself."
He frowned slightly.
I explained.
"For months, I kept asking whether I had enough proof. Enough reason. Enough certainty."
I touched the strap of my handbag.
"Then I realized I didn't need your confession to justify how unhappy I was."
Adrian looked away.
"I wish I'd understood that you were that close to leaving."
"If you had?"
"I would have stopped."
I studied him.
"Would you have stopped hurting me, or would you have stopped enough to keep me?"
He opened his mouth.
Closed it.
That silence was the most honest answer he could have given.
We said goodbye in the parking lot.
No kiss.
No embrace.
Just goodbye.
Three weeks later, however, Adrian called after midnight.
I almost ignored it.
Then I answered.
"What's wrong?"
For a moment, there was only breathing.
"Adrian?"
"I'm at the condo."
"Okay."
"I know this is stupid."
"What happened?"
"The movers came today."
I remembered.
He was moving into a rented townhouse near his office.
"The place is empty."
His voice broke.
I sat up in bed.
"I thought I'd be relieved."
I waited.
"I'm sitting on the living room floor."
The image arrived instantly.
Six years earlier.
Thai food.
Plastic forks.
Harbor lights.
"Natalie."
"Yes?"
"I remember what I said our first night."
So did I.
If we ever become those people who live somewhere beautiful and have nothing to say to each other, we sell the place.
My eyes filled.
He laughed softly through tears.
"I guess we kept one promise."
I pressed my hand to my mouth.
There was no victory in that moment.
No satisfaction in hearing a man I once loved cry in an empty condo.
Only sorrow.