Chapter 3
My breath caught.
“What kind of problems?”
“His right hand would go numb. Sometimes his grip would weaken. He had trouble tying his gown before surgery. He told me it was probably a pinched nerve.”
“He told me that.”
“He told everyone that.”
The room seemed to shift.
“Everyone knew?”
“Not everyone.”
“Who?”
“Me. Dr. Patel in neurology. The occupational therapist. A few people in the surgical department.”
I stared at him.
“And no one thought I should know?”
David leaned forward.
“Marcus was terrified.”
“Of what?”
“Losing his ability to operate.”
I turned away from him and looked through the window.
In the parking lot, a woman carried a child toward the hospital entrance. The child had a bright yellow backpack and was swinging one sneakered foot as they walked.
For a strange second, I thought of our daughter.
Emily would be at school now, probably sitting through math class with the pink mechanical pencil she insisted was lucky.
The thought of her steadied me and hurt me at the same time.
“You’re saying his hand was going numb,” I said. “For how long?”
“The first episode happened in June.”
“June,” I repeated.
Our anniversary was in June.
He had canceled our dinner that year because a case had run late. I had sat in a corner booth at the restaurant with two candles between us, pretending I didn’t mind when he arrived nearly three hours later.
He had looked pale.
I had asked if something was wrong.
He had kissed my forehead and said, “Just a long day.”
I pressed my fingers against my lips.
“What happened after that?”
“His symptoms became more frequent. He started dropping things. He couldn’t feel the tips of two fingers. Then he began experiencing pain in his neck and shoulder.”
“And he still operated?”
David looked down.
“Sometimes.”
My anger rose so quickly it almost frightened me.
“You let him?”
“He was evaluated. He passed the initial tests. At first, the symptoms came and went. The scans weren’t conclusive.”
“But you knew.”
“I knew he was struggling. I didn’t know what the final diagnosis would be.”
“You knew enough to tell me.”
“Yes.”
The answer was immediate.
No excuse. No defense.
That almost made it worse.
I sat down across from him.
“Why didn’t you?”
David’s eyes glistened again.
“Because every time I tried, Marcus asked me to wait.”
“And you listened.”