Chapter 9
I turned toward him.
“You thought I would look at you differently?”
“I didn’t know.”
“After eleven years?”
“I know what I am when I can help. I know how to stand in a hospital and make decisions. I know how to be the person everyone calls when something goes wrong.”
His fingers curled into his palm.
“I don’t know who I am when I’m the one lying in a bed.”
“You could have found out with me.”
His eyes filled.
“I was afraid.”
“So was I.”
“I know.”
“No, Marcus. You don’t. I was afraid you didn’t want to come home. I thought maybe you were angry with me. I thought maybe you regretted marrying someone who needed you to be present.”
His face crumpled.
“Claire.”
“I spent a year trying to become less demanding so you could keep loving me.”
He looked stricken.
“I never stopped loving you.”
“I know that now. But I didn’t know it then.”
The words settled between us.
Not as an accusation.
As a fact neither of us could change.
Marcus reached toward me and stopped before touching my hand.
“May I?”
I looked at his hand.
Then I placed mine in it.
His fingers closed around mine carefully.
They were warm.
A little unsteady.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I stared at our joined hands.
“I’m sorry too.”
His eyes lifted.
“For what?”
“For believing your excuses because they were easier than asking harder questions.”
“You shouldn’t have had to interrogate me.”
“No. But I should have told you I was lonely.”
“You did.”
“When?”
“Every time you left dinner on the stove.”
I looked at him.
He swallowed.
“I knew.”
“You knew I was lonely?”
“Yes.”
“And you said nothing.”
“I thought if I acknowledged it, I would have to admit I was failing you.”
The chapel seemed very quiet around us.
I leaned back against the pew.
“How long were you planning to keep this from me?”
“Until after the surgery.”
“That’s not an answer.”
He looked down.
“Maybe longer.”
“Longer?”
“I wanted to wait until I knew whether it worked.”
My heart sank.
“You wanted to wait until you could bring me good news.”
“Yes.”
“Marcus, I don’t need you to bring me good news. I need you to bring me the truth.”
He nodded slowly.
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“I’m beginning to.”
A tear slid down his cheek.
He didn’t wipe it away.