Chapter 15
“That’s exactly what I would advise.”
After she left, I sat at the dining table with Thomas’s letter beside me.
I had spent fifteen years treating my husband’s caution as a lack of faith in our son.
Now I wondered whether Thomas had simply seen what I could not bear to see.
He loved Benjamin.
He had also understood that love did not guarantee good judgment.
That evening, I took the pearl earrings from the mantel and placed them in their velvet box.
I did not put them away because I was ashamed of having worn them.
I put them away because they belonged to a life in which I had tried too hard to make other people happy.
I wanted to choose when I wore them next.
A week later, Lily called me.
I answered on the second ring.
“Grandma?”
Her small voice was cautious.
“Hello, sweetheart.”
“Are you mad at Daddy?”
The question broke my heart.
Children always seemed to find the center of a conflict adults had spent days disguising.
“No, darling.
I’m not mad at Daddy.”
“Then why don’t you come to our house anymore?”
I closed my eyes.
“Because the grown-ups are working through some difficult things.
None of that is your fault.”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Absolutely not.”
She was quiet.
Then she whispered, “Mom says you’re being selfish.”
I gripped the phone.
There it was.
The part of the conflict I had feared most: my granddaughter being placed in the middle.
“Lily, sweetheart, listen to me.
You never have to choose between loving your parents and loving me.
You can love all of us.
You can tell me how you feel, and you can tell your parents how you feel, too.”
“But Daddy says he doesn’t know if we can stay in the house.”
I took a slow breath.
“Your parents are responsible for deciding where you live.
I love you, and I will always want you to be safe.
But the grown-ups have to work out the money.”
“Will I still see you?”
The question was so small, so frightened, that I had to pause before answering.
“Yes,” I said.
“If your parents allow it, I would love to see you.
And I will always love you, no matter what happens.”
She sniffled.
“Can I come over on Saturday?”
I looked at the calendar.
“Let’s ask your dad to arrange it.”