Chapter 20
I did not.
Adrian looked at our son.
“Because I thought she wanted me gone.”
Noah looked at me.
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
That was the truth.
“But I also wanted him to try.”
Noah frowned harder.
Children hate contradictions even though adults build entire lives out of them.
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“No,” Adrian said quietly.
“It doesn’t.”
Noah looked between us.
“You both did something dumb.”
I stared at him.
Adrian actually laughed.
A real laugh.
Low and surprised.
Noah smiled.
Then I laughed too.
For a few seconds, the years between us became lighter.
Not gone.
Never gone.
Just lighter.
Later that afternoon, Adrian asked me to walk with him.
We left the children with Marcus and one of the hotel staff members they had grown to trust.
Chicago was cold.
The river moved darkly beneath the bridges.
For almost five minutes, neither of us spoke.
Then Adrian said, “I went to Cambridge once.”
I stopped walking.
“What?”
His face tightened.
“About eight months after the divorce.”
My heartbeat changed.
“You said you never looked for me.”
“I said I didn’t find you.”
I stared at him.
“You went to Cambridge?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“To bring you home.”
Anger and something more painful collided inside me.
“Eight months later?”
“I know.”
“Eight months?”
“Yes.”
“I was already pregnant.”
His face changed.
“I know that now.”
“I had already given birth.”
That stopped him.
“No.”
“The twins were premature.”
Adrian went pale.
I had never told him that.
“They came seven weeks early.”
His mouth opened, then closed.
“I spent eighteen days sleeping beside two incubators.”
“Evelyn.”
“You were in Cambridge while your children were alive.”
Pain broke openly across his face.
“Where?”
“Mass General first, then a neonatal unit closer to Cambridge.”
He looked physically ill.
“I didn’t know.”
“I know.”
“What happened when I came?”
I forced myself to continue.
“I had moved apartments after they were born.”
Adrian stared at the river.
“I went to the address I had.”
“I wasn’t there.”
“A man answered.”
“My old landlord.”
“He said you had moved and left no forwarding address.”
I remembered Mr.
Keller.
I had specifically asked him not to tell anyone where I went.
Because I had still been afraid Adrian would eventually come.
“He followed my instructions.”
Adrian looked at me.
“I sat outside that building for six hours.”
My chest tightened.
“I didn’t know.”
“No.”