Chapter 21
I looked at him.
“When you wanted more time together, I felt criticized. When you asked me to help with things, I felt like you didn't appreciate what I was already doing.”
He gave a small, embarrassed smile.
“And when Rachel made me feel admired, I told myself that meant something was wrong with our marriage instead of asking what was wrong with the way I was behaving.”
I took a breath.
It was more self-awareness than I had heard from him in years.
“I'm glad you're understanding that,” I said.
He nodded.
“I'm not telling you because I think it'll change your mind.”
I studied him.
“Then why are you telling me?”
“Because I owe you an apology that doesn't come with a request.”
Something moved in my chest.
Daniel's eyes filled.
“I betrayed you. Then I made you responsible for making me feel better about it. I told the children things that made me look less guilty. And when I saw you with Michael, I was angry because I realized you might actually have a life that didn't include me.”
I stayed very still.
He swallowed.
“You didn't deserve any of that.”
For a long moment, neither of us spoke.
Then I said, “Thank you, Daniel.”
He nodded.
“I know I can't undo it.”
“No.”
“But I wanted you to hear it.”
I looked at the man I'd spent nearly three decades loving.
For the first time in a long while, I didn't feel the need to argue with him.
Or comfort him.
Or convince him.
We were simply two people sitting across from each other, acknowledging the truth.
When we stood to leave, Daniel hesitated.
“Claire?”
“Yes?”
“Are you happy?”
I thought about the question.
Not the easy answer.
Not the polite one.
The real answer.
“I'm becoming happy,” I said.
He smiled sadly.
“I'm glad.”
And for once, I believed he meant it.
We walked out together.
At the sidewalk, he turned left.
I turned right.
Neither of us looked back.
That spring, I finished the garden.
I pulled weeds, replaced cracked edging stones, and planted lavender beside the back steps.
I added two raised beds for vegetables.
And, finally, I planted dahlias.
Sophie came over one Saturday to help.
Adam arrived with coffee and stayed to assemble a new garden bench.
We spent the afternoon working in the sunlight, arguing good-naturedly about where the flowers should go.