Chapter 23
His stars did not make me more worthy.
They only exposed something ugly about Marlene.
She respected power before she respected people.
Once I saw that clearly, I stopped wanting her approval.
My separation from Daniel became official in everything except the final paperwork we were still working through.
We did not turn it into a war.
That surprised people.
Some expected me to destroy him.
Others expected us to reunite.
Neither happened.
Daniel found an apartment after starting his new job.
He saw Lucas regularly.
He learned to pack the diaper bag himself.
He stopped calling his mother every time Lucas had a fever.
He made decisions.
Small ones at first.
Then larger ones.
I watched from a distance.
Part of me was proud of him.
Part of me was angry that becoming independent had required losing me.
Both feelings could exist together.
Marlene struggled more.
For the first month, she repeatedly asked Daniel to bring Lucas to her house during his time with him.
Sometimes he did.
Sometimes he did not.
The important part was that he made the decision.
When she complained to me, I redirected her to Daniel.
When she criticized my choices, I ended the conversation.
When she tried to bring up my father, I stopped her.
One afternoon, she finally asked to speak with me alone.
I almost refused.
Then I agreed to meet in a public park.
Lucas played nearby while we sat on a bench.
Marlene looked older.
Or maybe I had simply stopped seeing her as larger than life.
For several minutes, she watched Lucas.
Then she said, “I was wrong about the car.”
I waited.
It was the first direct admission I had ever heard from her.
She twisted her wedding ring.
“I should not have taken the keys.”
“No.”
She looked at me.
“I thought you were taking advantage of Daniel.”
“I was paying most of the household expenses we were responsible for.”
“I know that now.”
“You could have known then.”
She lowered her eyes.
“I didn’t want to.”
That was the most honest thing she had ever said to me.
I stayed quiet.
She continued.
“When Daniel lost his job, I saw how ashamed he was. I wanted to protect him.”
“So you made me the problem.”
Her mouth tightened.
“Yes.”
The word surprised me.
“I thought if I could control the spending and keep everyone in line, he would have time to recover.”