Chapter 11
‘Honey, I bought the tickets. The food is included. It does not cost extra.’ She shook her head again, tears welling up in her eyes. No, Grandpa. Mommy said nothing is free. She said that when we go places, I have to be careful because I am expensive. She said that the reason they cannot buy a boat like the neighbors is because my adoption fees cost so much.
She said, ‘Every time I ask for something special like juice or a snack, I’m taking money away from the family budget.’ She said, ‘If I am not careful, we will not be able to pay the electric bill and the lights will go out and it will be my fault.’ I felt the air leave my lungs.
It was a physical blow, harder than any punch I had ever taken in a bar fight or a training exercise. This was not just physical neglect. This was psychological warfare. Monica was not just starving Mia’s body. She was poisoning her mind. She was building a narrative where an 8-year-old child was responsible for the family’s financial stability.
I looked out the window at the endless white horizon. I tried to control the rage boiling in my chest. I thought about the receipts I had seen in Austin’s office when I helped him with his taxes last year. Monica’s handbags cost $3,000 each. Austin’s golf club membership was $500 a month. They drove luxury cars.
They drank imported wine. And yet, they had looked this little girl in the eye and told her that a $3 soda was the reason they were struggling. They were gaslighting her. They were making her feel like a burden, like a parasite that should be grateful for the scraps she was given. They were teaching her to make herself small, to consume nothing, to apologize for her very existence.
I turned back to Mia. I unbuckled my seat belt and turned my body completely toward her. I took both of her hands in mine and waited until she looked up at me. Mia listened to me very closely, I said. Every word I am about to say is the truth. Do you know that grandpa used to be in charge of moving supplies for thousands of soldiers? I managed millions of dollars of equipment. I know how much things cost.
She nodded, sniffing back a tear. Your mother lied to you. Mia’s eyes widened. She is not supposed to lie. Lying is a sin. She lied. I repeated. You are not expensive. You are not a burden. The reason they do not have a boat is because your father loses money gambling on things he does not understand. The reason they complain about bills is because your mother buys clothes she does not need to impress people she does not like. It has nothing to do with you.