Chapter 16
Adam looked at her.
“I loved you.”
“Probably.”
The word stunned him.
“Probably?”
“I don’t think love was the problem.”
“Then what was?”
“You thought loving me meant you didn’t have to choose me every day.”
She glanced toward the park.
“I was part of your permanent background.”
Adam said nothing.
Marina continued.
“You could go flirt with someone, sleep with someone, lie to me, leave me recovering from surgery, ignore my calls—and underneath all of it, you still believed Marina would be there when you came home.”
Adam remembered the roses.
He had pictured the scene on the flight.
Marina surprised.
Emotional.
Maybe angry for a while.
But there.
Of course there.
He had not consciously imagined another possibility.
“I did think that,” he admitted.
“I know.”
“What do you want from me now?”
Marina was quiet for several seconds.
“I want you to be Nell’s father.”
“I am.”
“I want you to become one.”
His jaw tightened, but he did not argue.
“I want you to know her pediatrician’s name without checking your phone. I want you to know when she needs her next vaccines. I want you to be able to pack her diaper bag without asking me for a list.”
Adam listened.
“I want you to take parenting time because you want to know your daughter, not because your lawyer someday tells you it looks better.”
“I haven’t spoken to a lawyer.”
“I know.”
He stared at her.
“Have you?”
“Yes.”
His face changed.
Marina continued before he could speak.
“Once. Just to understand practical things.”
“Are you filing?”
“No.”
Hope again.
This time he controlled it.
“But I needed to understand my options.”
“Okay.”
He said it carefully.
“What about us?”
Marina looked tired.
“I don’t know.”
He leaned forward.
“I’ll do anything.”
“No.”
Adam frowned.
“No?”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because ‘anything’ is dramatic. Marriage is mostly not dramatic.”
Her eyes held his.
“I needed you to answer the phone.”
He looked away.
“I needed you to sit beside me after the C-section when laughing hurt. I needed you to wash pump parts at midnight. I needed you to tell Savannah no before there was an affair to end.”
She shook her head.
“You keep wanting one enormous act that proves you’re sorry.”
Adam swallowed.
“The flowers were like that.”
“Yes.”
“I hate those flowers.”
Marina almost smiled.
“Bernice sent me a picture.”
He groaned softly.